22 May 2011 | I Want to Be a Crackpot

I want to be a crackpot, but I haven't decided what kind of particular crackpottery I should try my hand at.

I've figured that I'm in the wrong business. I don't want to sound greedy, but as I am concerned for my financial future, I've got to figure out what's the best return I can make on an investment of time, and I think being a crackpot is the best answer. 

There's lots of money to be made this way. Take the latest example, that of Harold Camping, who promised us the Rapture would come on May 21. He's sitting on at least $70 million! How much of that was spent on all those billboards no one knows, but something is telling me that he's not a (complete) moron and there's a nice nest egg stashed away somewhere. After all, as he said on his own show that he wasn't asking people to send in money, so really, it's nobody's fault but their own. I can live with that. 

Or, I could choose to become a writer that attacks the orthodoxy of oh, I don't know, science. If the seasons of "Ancient Aliens" has taught me anything, it's that you can get your own television show spouting any number of weirdo ideas, as long as you spit out the word "mainstream" with enough contempt. That alone could open up a whole new world of possiblities. I enjoy writing so I can work very hard on a book about about the connection between the Lizard People (David Ickes) and the Annunaki (Zechariah Sitchin) and get myself on some talking circuit. People will pay for this stuff! As long as I maintain some kind of coherence to my inchorenceness, I seriously think there's a chance I could make more money I am now. 

The ultimate fallback is to become a conservative book writer. I go to the bookstore and in the current affairs section, I see scores of not-too-thick books by people I've never heard of writing about the evils of the Obama Administration, our freedoms being taken away, stuff like that. Anything that attacks leftist intellectuals as the pointy-headed, elitist, blame America first jerks that they are. See? Wow, that was easy! I feel like I'm on my way!

Yes, I think it's time for a new career. It won't be easy, of course, but with self-publishing and some self-marketing, I'll be making more than the average wage monkey off someone else's disgust and fear. It's the American Dream!