24 September 2011 | For Others

One must do things because they are what makes you happy, what gives you strength and even purpose. They cannot be done with expectation because that always leads to disappointment. So how do you really accomplish that? How do you do something without the emotional attachment? You want the best for someone, so you do it out of love, but it also comes with the sense of expectation of return? Not for acknowledgement, not for reciprocal action, but for a tangible sense that it matters to someone. 

We rarely do things without expectation. Even the best among us, who have learned to give without return, we want to see the fruit of our influence. We need it. We have to know it matters. Of course, there is a fine line, when our expectations take over. It's subtle, but it's there. And when a letdown occurs, it can be devastating. We've all heard it before, that some kinds of anger come from people not living up to your expectations. But it's often the most difficult when the element of love is involved. 

How do you influence people? By words, by examples. By cultivating a sense of authority that does not come from any power you have over a person, but something that person can appeal to, can use as a point of reference. "I have a friend who thinks," or "My brother does this." Somewhere, somehow, you can only hope that authority will prove to be what a loved one will follow. All of your thousand examples of doing something for someone boil down to only a few memorable things: there's your moment of triumph. 

But you may never see it. You can only hope that it happens.